Crayons and Hope

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The delicious scent of crayons fills me with hope.

In my elementary years, I owned a large coffee can filled with broken crayons. The tin held every color you could imagine, some with the paper intact, some free of wrap. Instead of tossing the colorful sticks when they crumbled under pressure, mom gave me a can to store them. I loved digging through the pile of color to find just the right one for whatever I was drawing. And the smell—an aroma that signified the beginning of a beautiful creation. 

I scribbled with them until they smashed down to a nub. Some of the tiny pieces, melted with wax, were recycled into candles. That glorious can of broken crayons gave me hours of joy.

I may not be a crayon, put to the test by little fingers coloring vigorously and snapped in two, but I relate because I'm a broken person. We all are in some way. It's difficult to live in this world with all the violence, negativity, distress, and grief. At some point emotions, spirits, and bodies break. I've never broken a bone, but my spirit and emotions have been crushed, sometimes through my own actions and at times by others.

But the good news, yes, the great news is—God loves the broken. He's close to the brokenhearted, He heals the one whose heart hurts. He renews the crushed spirit and offers hope.

I love that about God. He doesn't discard the person whose life looks like a pile of fragmented pieces. Instead He takes the cracked spirit, and the emotional mess and creates a brand-new work of art.

God embraces broken people every day. The love He gives wraps around anyone who seeks Him. He adores His creation and wants the best for us.

God opens His arms to the broken. Run to Him.

He's the One Who Knows My Story

Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

This summer, Tim and I had our first experience in kayaks. I loved splashing through the fast-moving water as much as drifting quietly along the river. A number of times we hit rapids that sprayed up and soaked us. We were having a blast.

Then around one of the curves, the river forked. I rowed left and Tim paddled right. I went over some rapids and thought I was free and clear—until I hit a pile of rocks. I tried to push off with the oar, but I wasn't strong enough. I looked for Tim. He was too far ahead of me to paddle back against the current. Thinking I could get out of the situation by myself, I climbed out and promptly plopped into the water. After I laughed at myself, I stood up and tried to maneuver the kayak so I could get back in. But the rapids kept tugging, as I tried pulling. I wasn't winning. Finally I asked God for help. In a few minutes, another kayaker reached me and helped me climb back in. Then he shoved me off the rocks.

So many times in my life I've thought "I can do it myself," but I couldn't. Too many times I've fallen into the water of life and gotten stuck on stubbornness and blinded by selfish ambition. I struggled and wrestled with a situation, before I'd cry out to God for help. Why didn't I turn to him when he's the one who knows my story, the one who loves me inside out. I'm trying to be better about seeking God's wisdom before I get stuck. I know I trust him with all of my heart. But knowing isn't enough. I have to bow before him and seek his guidance. Every.Single.Day. He's my refuge and my rock.

I can't do life on my own. I need Jesus.